Hey friends!!!
I've been hella busy lately moving partway out of my college house and back into my parents' house (we moved most of my stuff yesterday), so I've not been up to much except that and writing and watching 'Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends' on Netflix.
BUT!!!
CURRENT WORD COUNT: 62,232!!!!
I have been making progress in that at least, and feel sufficiently proud of myself :)
But as of late, I have been EATING MY FEELINGS way too often. Anne and I have a fondue-party planned for later, and I'm going to be planted on the couch writing/watching Soul Eater until the early hours of the morning.
Ah yes, this is the life. Gotta make it last until the 31st when the next part of the journey begins!!!
-S-
Monday, May 27, 2013
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Soul Eater and Black Butler Marathons Are Good For The Soul (heh)
**poke poke** Story? How are you feeling, story? Story?
Word count: 60,039. All done between the hours of 2 and 3 this morning, which was totally not a problem for my sleep patterns and behavior today AT ALL.
In other words, I've been kind of a flaming wreck today... just a little one!
So to offset the crazy, Anne and I have been marathoning 'Soul Eater' (currently watching Episode 12 or so?) and 'Black Butler' at the same time, which is kind of difficult because they're somewhat similar and have characters that can get confused easily. But I like them both, so it's good times!
Oh I are so sleepy. Running errands was ridiculous today. This whole 'resetting my schedule by sleep deprivation' thing is going to blow up in my face soon. Maybe. Probably. I don't even know.
Hey look Sam is rambling!
Anyway, I like my story a lot better now that I've got it back on the move -- and it's convenient that my character is just starting to get really sleep-deprived because of the bad dreams caused by another character. So my current mindset is perfect for writing my character's POV and dialogue -- but everyone else starts sounding deranged too, which is a little worrying.
**cackles off in to the rainclouds, because I haven't seen the sun in at least three days**
-S-
Word count: 60,039. All done between the hours of 2 and 3 this morning, which was totally not a problem for my sleep patterns and behavior today AT ALL.
In other words, I've been kind of a flaming wreck today... just a little one!
So to offset the crazy, Anne and I have been marathoning 'Soul Eater' (currently watching Episode 12 or so?) and 'Black Butler' at the same time, which is kind of difficult because they're somewhat similar and have characters that can get confused easily. But I like them both, so it's good times!
Oh I are so sleepy. Running errands was ridiculous today. This whole 'resetting my schedule by sleep deprivation' thing is going to blow up in my face soon. Maybe. Probably. I don't even know.
Hey look Sam is rambling!
Anyway, I like my story a lot better now that I've got it back on the move -- and it's convenient that my character is just starting to get really sleep-deprived because of the bad dreams caused by another character. So my current mindset is perfect for writing my character's POV and dialogue -- but everyone else starts sounding deranged too, which is a little worrying.
**cackles off in to the rainclouds, because I haven't seen the sun in at least three days**
-S-
Monday, May 20, 2013
I Have a Vampiric Sleep Schedule
Hello internet! Sorry it kind of took me forever to update, but sometimes life sucks. I mean, it doesn't suck that bad, but sometimes I don't feel like being productive, and there's no use arguing with yourself when you don't feel like being productive.
As far as workouts have gone, I haven't done much, which chagrins me to admit. But again, if I haven't wanted to be productive, I've wanted to get up and move even less. I think it's the semester lag still catching me up, but I was expecting to be back to normal much faster. The gap there is probably what's making me anxious and frustrated with myself.
Writing has been going a little better; current count is 58,288. I'm kind of stuck in a boring place with the story at the moment, where Aura (my main character) just seems to keep talking to people and figuring things out and talking to more people and learning more things... it's kind of turned into this vicious cycle of TALKING which I try to avoid as often as possible. And maybe the talking will be useful later on, but for now I'm upset with myself for having too much talking and not enough doing, so I'm going to have to cut straight to some doing. UNFORTUNATELY, all the 'doing' seems to be getting attacked by others, which has happened several times in a row as well. So, I'm going to look up some posts about creativity, and write a drabble from my 'Writer's Block Busters' book, and hopefully get on firm ground again from there!
What's mostly been consuming my time lately is a project that's been blowing my mind. So far it's just in the data entry stages, but I've been looking up how many movies in history were made off of media that already existed (books/novels are most common, but comic books, short stories, plays, and even toys have been the basis for movies). The answer, so far, is A LOT OF MOVIES ARE DONE LIKE THIS, even movies I thought were originally sourced material.
This got me thinking whether I want any future books that I might write to be turned into a movie. I think I would need a LOT of creative control, to make sure the book and the movie were both true to my vision for them... and I would need to make sure it wasn't just a money-making thing. Because that's my thesis so far with this project that I've been doing -- Hollywood has figured out that people will pay a lot of money for something with the same name as something else that they love, even if it doesn't hold exactly true to the source material, and now they're exploiting the viewers. I feel exploited sometimes, especially when I went to see the first 'Hobbit'. I'm not going to see either of the next two, I don't think, because the storytelling in the book is better than what Peter Jackson is doing.
But, if all goes like I hope it will, I might get to present this project to a bunch of nerds sometime this summer (it's literally called Nerd Night) and see what other people think about it. And I think that would be really cool :)
Also, in July, I'm going to be a part of the Russian Exchange program that Duluth's CSS campus does. Every other summer, we send American students to Russia for a month, and they do the same on off-summers. So, since I'm in Duluth this summer, I'm going to be a TA and hang out with them and learn stuff and I'm just really excited to meet them and see what this is like!!! Also, we're going on a canoe trip. ICAN'TEVENTELLYOUHOWEXCITEDIAMABOUTTHIS, IHAVEN'TBEENCANOEINGINTHOUSANDSOFYEARSYESTHISWILLBEGREAT
So that's the score as it stands. Also, I've been going to bed between 2 and 3 in the morning, and waking up around noon (hence the title on this post). I hope to fix that tomorrow when I have to be awake at 9 to go to my parents' house and watch my dog while my mom goes shopping. He's still pretty healthy, but I can tell that the cancer is taking a toll on him, and it makes me sad to watch him die slowly. At least we're getting a good long chance to say goodbye -- and he's already outlived the prognosis that the vet gave my mom a month ago. I'll just be happier for him when he's not in pain anymore...
And on that decidedly cheerful note, I'm going to go look up things about creativity to remind myself that I'm not a complete moron all the time! Yeah :)
-S-
As far as workouts have gone, I haven't done much, which chagrins me to admit. But again, if I haven't wanted to be productive, I've wanted to get up and move even less. I think it's the semester lag still catching me up, but I was expecting to be back to normal much faster. The gap there is probably what's making me anxious and frustrated with myself.
Writing has been going a little better; current count is 58,288. I'm kind of stuck in a boring place with the story at the moment, where Aura (my main character) just seems to keep talking to people and figuring things out and talking to more people and learning more things... it's kind of turned into this vicious cycle of TALKING which I try to avoid as often as possible. And maybe the talking will be useful later on, but for now I'm upset with myself for having too much talking and not enough doing, so I'm going to have to cut straight to some doing. UNFORTUNATELY, all the 'doing' seems to be getting attacked by others, which has happened several times in a row as well. So, I'm going to look up some posts about creativity, and write a drabble from my 'Writer's Block Busters' book, and hopefully get on firm ground again from there!
What's mostly been consuming my time lately is a project that's been blowing my mind. So far it's just in the data entry stages, but I've been looking up how many movies in history were made off of media that already existed (books/novels are most common, but comic books, short stories, plays, and even toys have been the basis for movies). The answer, so far, is A LOT OF MOVIES ARE DONE LIKE THIS, even movies I thought were originally sourced material.
This got me thinking whether I want any future books that I might write to be turned into a movie. I think I would need a LOT of creative control, to make sure the book and the movie were both true to my vision for them... and I would need to make sure it wasn't just a money-making thing. Because that's my thesis so far with this project that I've been doing -- Hollywood has figured out that people will pay a lot of money for something with the same name as something else that they love, even if it doesn't hold exactly true to the source material, and now they're exploiting the viewers. I feel exploited sometimes, especially when I went to see the first 'Hobbit'. I'm not going to see either of the next two, I don't think, because the storytelling in the book is better than what Peter Jackson is doing.
But, if all goes like I hope it will, I might get to present this project to a bunch of nerds sometime this summer (it's literally called Nerd Night) and see what other people think about it. And I think that would be really cool :)
Also, in July, I'm going to be a part of the Russian Exchange program that Duluth's CSS campus does. Every other summer, we send American students to Russia for a month, and they do the same on off-summers. So, since I'm in Duluth this summer, I'm going to be a TA and hang out with them and learn stuff and I'm just really excited to meet them and see what this is like!!! Also, we're going on a canoe trip. ICAN'TEVENTELLYOUHOWEXCITEDIAMABOUTTHIS, IHAVEN'TBEENCANOEINGINTHOUSANDSOFYEARSYESTHISWILLBEGREAT
So that's the score as it stands. Also, I've been going to bed between 2 and 3 in the morning, and waking up around noon (hence the title on this post). I hope to fix that tomorrow when I have to be awake at 9 to go to my parents' house and watch my dog while my mom goes shopping. He's still pretty healthy, but I can tell that the cancer is taking a toll on him, and it makes me sad to watch him die slowly. At least we're getting a good long chance to say goodbye -- and he's already outlived the prognosis that the vet gave my mom a month ago. I'll just be happier for him when he's not in pain anymore...
And on that decidedly cheerful note, I'm going to go look up things about creativity to remind myself that I'm not a complete moron all the time! Yeah :)
-S-
Saturday, May 11, 2013
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW BLOGGER WORKS
Hey again everyone :) sorry for the super-long hiatus, but school is sometimes hard. But life is better now, and I'll be able to post more regularly! Hopefully at least once a week, we'll see.
But the current trouble I'm facing is that I want to get rid of the e-mail address I'm using for this blog, but I can't change them over. I kind of want to restart on a new blog, but for now I'll content myself with this one, I suppose.
UHHHHHHHH so like I said, school is hard. This semester was obscene, and I didn't like much of it, and I'm only just realizing exactly how strung-out I was the entire time I was in it. It's like realizing you have an addiction and how harmful it is and kind of shaking your head at yourself being like, "HOW the hell did I let this rule my life for so long?" But, all I have left to my college career is student teaching next semester, and then I'll be a big bad adult with a completely new set of problems to face, and it'll be glorious. Because now I know where my limit is on things I can fill my life with!
Also, because of this school year, I kind of gained some weight I didn't want, from stress-eating and not getting enough exercise. So this summer I'm going to be posting progress on this blog (as kind of a self-motivator thinger).
Additionally, I'll be posting word-counts as my writing continues, and maybe talk about some problems/successes I'm finding in my writing. Because that will be huge helpful motivation too :) I think my daily word count goal is going to start off at like 300 a day because I can do that no problem -- but I'll probably move the goal up as the summer progresses.
TODAY, 11 MAY:
'Stormking' project word count: 56,484
This is kind of cheating, because I'm about to type up a bunch of stuff I've written this semester but haven't had time to get onto the Word document, so today's goal will be easily satisfied a few times over. But hey, sometimes these things happen.
But I'm also going to spend some time on Polyvore doing character things, so that'll hopefully count as well. And I need to clean my house, because I swear there's an inch of dust on the carpet of my bedroom.
So, this is probably enough rambling for today... Until we meet again!
-S
But the current trouble I'm facing is that I want to get rid of the e-mail address I'm using for this blog, but I can't change them over. I kind of want to restart on a new blog, but for now I'll content myself with this one, I suppose.
UHHHHHHHH so like I said, school is hard. This semester was obscene, and I didn't like much of it, and I'm only just realizing exactly how strung-out I was the entire time I was in it. It's like realizing you have an addiction and how harmful it is and kind of shaking your head at yourself being like, "HOW the hell did I let this rule my life for so long?" But, all I have left to my college career is student teaching next semester, and then I'll be a big bad adult with a completely new set of problems to face, and it'll be glorious. Because now I know where my limit is on things I can fill my life with!
Also, because of this school year, I kind of gained some weight I didn't want, from stress-eating and not getting enough exercise. So this summer I'm going to be posting progress on this blog (as kind of a self-motivator thinger).
Additionally, I'll be posting word-counts as my writing continues, and maybe talk about some problems/successes I'm finding in my writing. Because that will be huge helpful motivation too :) I think my daily word count goal is going to start off at like 300 a day because I can do that no problem -- but I'll probably move the goal up as the summer progresses.
TODAY, 11 MAY:
'Stormking' project word count: 56,484
This is kind of cheating, because I'm about to type up a bunch of stuff I've written this semester but haven't had time to get onto the Word document, so today's goal will be easily satisfied a few times over. But hey, sometimes these things happen.
But I'm also going to spend some time on Polyvore doing character things, so that'll hopefully count as well. And I need to clean my house, because I swear there's an inch of dust on the carpet of my bedroom.
So, this is probably enough rambling for today... Until we meet again!
-S
Monday, September 17, 2012
Statistics and Anomolies
I don't think I can fail to be baffled when I look at my Blogger stats.
My brain: "THERE'S SOMEONE FOLLOWING ME IN RUSSIA?!!?!?!"
(Hi, if you're reading this, by the way...)
Me: I guess the Interwebs is a way bigger place than I ever thought... *feels very small and insignificant some more*
Okay, done with the feels. I want to talk about how bad of a student I have been so far this school year. Granted, I don't have a hella lots of homework so far, but I have a decent amount, and compared to how I usually handle my homework, I've been doing an abysmal job thus far.
But Sam! It's only the 17th of September, this is the beginning of YOUR SECOND FULL WEEK OF SCHOOL, why are you spazzing out about this?
Because I can.
I think Ireland (see the other blog that has WAY CRAZY LOTS OF PAGE VIEWS) changed the perfectionist in me. Scratch that, I think Ireland fed the perfectionist in me until it wasn't a teeny tiny monster anymore, it was a raging lunatic. But, when I was in Ireland, it was okay to be a perfectionist and be overly prepared for things because I had the time and the inclination to do so.
Minnesota life, however, is not nearly as forgiving. It's much more interesting to hang out with my friends and watch movies and do puzzles and go out for drinks instead of doing homework. And even when I do homework now, it's not a solitary thing, and I don't get as much done as I would in Ireland.
And I guess I find that upsetting, now that I've taken the time to figure out what it was that was bothering me so much. I'm stressing myself out because I'm having too much fun.
Arguments against: 1) THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH FUN *rocks out*.
Rebuttal: 1) um yes there is. If I feel like I'm getting an ulcer when I think about my homework, I'm having too much fun.
Arguments against: 2) you're actually not as far behind as you think you are.
Rebuttal: 2) I guess that's valid. But, feel free to tell that to my nervous system -- so far, it hasn't believed me either.
Arguments against: 3) stop being crazy.
Rebuttal: 3) oh if only.
Yes, I'm already to the point of arguing with myself. It's going to be a good year, friends.
In related news, I wish I were watching 'Fringe' instead of sitting in the very cold library, waiting for a phone call. The phone call part is going to be awesome, but the waiting part means I'm reasoning out why I shouldn't start my homework yet. And that's winding me up even more.
But 'Fringe'.
If you would, please direct your eyes to the man standing in the back of the picture. PETER. His character (and Walter's insanity, and how generally cool the show is, and how much better Olivia is in Season 2 now that she's not so static) is what makes the show so addictive and awesome. I think he's awesome :3
In other news, I'm making myself take the time to write again, so I'm not totally out of shape come November. You'll be hearing a lot of complaining on this blog come November, methinks. I'm going to try to win again, and I think I can do it, now that I did it last year... but I'm also super busy stressing myself out about crazy things, so we'll see how it goes.
Okay, almost phone call time. This is my cue to stop rambling...
-S
My brain: "THERE'S SOMEONE FOLLOWING ME IN RUSSIA?!!?!?!"
(Hi, if you're reading this, by the way...)
Me: I guess the Interwebs is a way bigger place than I ever thought... *feels very small and insignificant some more*
Okay, done with the feels. I want to talk about how bad of a student I have been so far this school year. Granted, I don't have a hella lots of homework so far, but I have a decent amount, and compared to how I usually handle my homework, I've been doing an abysmal job thus far.
But Sam! It's only the 17th of September, this is the beginning of YOUR SECOND FULL WEEK OF SCHOOL, why are you spazzing out about this?
Because I can.
I think Ireland (see the other blog that has WAY CRAZY LOTS OF PAGE VIEWS) changed the perfectionist in me. Scratch that, I think Ireland fed the perfectionist in me until it wasn't a teeny tiny monster anymore, it was a raging lunatic. But, when I was in Ireland, it was okay to be a perfectionist and be overly prepared for things because I had the time and the inclination to do so.
Minnesota life, however, is not nearly as forgiving. It's much more interesting to hang out with my friends and watch movies and do puzzles and go out for drinks instead of doing homework. And even when I do homework now, it's not a solitary thing, and I don't get as much done as I would in Ireland.
And I guess I find that upsetting, now that I've taken the time to figure out what it was that was bothering me so much. I'm stressing myself out because I'm having too much fun.
Arguments against: 1) THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH FUN *rocks out*.
Rebuttal: 1) um yes there is. If I feel like I'm getting an ulcer when I think about my homework, I'm having too much fun.
Arguments against: 2) you're actually not as far behind as you think you are.
Rebuttal: 2) I guess that's valid. But, feel free to tell that to my nervous system -- so far, it hasn't believed me either.
Arguments against: 3) stop being crazy.
Rebuttal: 3) oh if only.
Yes, I'm already to the point of arguing with myself. It's going to be a good year, friends.
In related news, I wish I were watching 'Fringe' instead of sitting in the very cold library, waiting for a phone call. The phone call part is going to be awesome, but the waiting part means I'm reasoning out why I shouldn't start my homework yet. And that's winding me up even more.
But 'Fringe'.
In other news, I'm making myself take the time to write again, so I'm not totally out of shape come November. You'll be hearing a lot of complaining on this blog come November, methinks. I'm going to try to win again, and I think I can do it, now that I did it last year... but I'm also super busy stressing myself out about crazy things, so we'll see how it goes.
Okay, almost phone call time. This is my cue to stop rambling...
-S
Thursday, August 23, 2012
EMPTY NOISE!!!
It's kind of early and I'm not quite cognizant, so I'm going to make a nonsense post. It's been too long, anyway.
Last time I posted in this blog was April. OF LAST YEAR. What?? What is that? Granted, I posted an awful lot in my other blog about Ireland, because I was there and stuff, but I haven't given any love to the whacked-out side of my life. I was just trying to make something nice for all the parents of the trip to follow along with. And my friends back home were keeping up that way too, and it helped me keep track of what I had been doing. So that was nice. But I haven't written a post in a while that just puts my brain down on the Interwebs, which, judging from the clutter in my brain, has been a long time coming.
Camp was... crazy. Anyone who has had the Camp Buckskin experience knows it's not easy to describe. I'm lucky enough to have parents who know what I'm saying when I get home at the end of summer and just kind of wave my arms around, desperate to impart what my summer felt like, but not even sure where to begin. I think that might be why I've been leery to hang out with real-life people -- I don't want to try to explain my summer, but I don't want to blow it off or discount it, either. You meet some amazing people at Camp, people who have the same mindset as you and want to help kids the same way you do.
But Camp is less about the other staff and more about the kids. And those kids are some of the most complex, interesting individuals I have ever spent time with. One of the things that makes Camp so amazing and complex is that it makes people REAL. I'm not Sam Bauer when I'm at Camp, because Sam Bauer can be petty and jealous and mean-spirited and sarcastic all the time. Seussical, however, is patient and kind and firm, fair, and friendly at all times. Working with these kids can bring out the true side to a person, the one that's not trying to keep up a defense against the world. Masks don't work at Camp -- it's too much work to keep it up, and the kids can tell when you're not being real.
Also, the kind of conditions that Camp gives us are super helpful in getting rid of our obsession with appearances. When I'm at Camp, I don't have to care if I'm wearing makeup or if my hair is nice. I don't have time for that bullshit. And neither do the campers. Nobody cares what you look like at Camp, but everybody cares how you act. I feel like sometimes in the real world, we have too much time on our hands that way, and people are allowed to judge each other on appearances and ignore actions. At Camp, you're way too busy for that.
Also also, the kids at Camp can't keep up a front either. There aren't any electronics at Camp, no iPods, no video games, no cell phones, no nothing. There aren't any distractions -- it's a pure outdoor environment where you just focus on being you and learning new stuff and making new friends and having fun. The coolest feeling ever is watching kids achieve levels in activities, and the pride they are able to take from their own achievements. THEY did that. THEY got their C-paddle, their Discoverer, their Hiawatha, their Pro-Marksman. For a lot of the kids at Camp, that's the very first time in their lives that they've had someone recognize, "Yeah, you can do something. You got enough quiz questions right in Nature Studies to get to this level. YOU did that. And you should be proud of that." The whole of the dining hall clapping for them is probably a new experience too -- I know it was even new for me when I got up to the mic to do my first announcement this year.
So Camp was awesome. And stressful. It cements for me that I don't want to be a parent -- me and two other girls taking care of 8 ten-to-eleven-year-old boys might be an exaggeration of parenting, but I was their stand-in mother for 30 days. And boy was it hectic. It really showed me the necessity of having other people in your life that you can count on. I'm lucky enough to know that I can depend on most/all of my friends without question or hesitation. But it really showed that to be a parent, it's most helpful to have someone on your team that you can trust 1000% of the time. And that keeps cementing for me that I don't want to be a parent until I find someone who I can totally and utterly rely on. I know I'm only 21, but I don't see myself having or starting a family for a good long while yet, which seems to shock and confuse a lot of people. "But you're so good with kids!" they protest. "Why don't you want a family??"
That's kind of a tricky question. A simple answer is that I'm selfish. Kids take a freakish amount of work, and anyone who tries to tell you differently either has a nanny or is lying. Kids take time, and work, and money. And it's selfish of me, but I don't feel like exerting all of that just to bring a tiny me into a world that already has too many people in it. The thing that exasperates me most about America (among many, MANY things) is the assumption that we are well within our rights to reproduce as much as we fucking (puns) want.
I protest against this assumption. Just because we can reproduce and have 1234234234 kids doesn't mean we should. It's not healthy for society, or for our planet. And this is where the pro-life people get me real bad. Not every child, because they've been conceived, has to live, or has the right to live. There are over 7 billion, BILLION WITH A B, people on this planet. I've always been curious as to what scientists think the maximum capacity would be for Earth, because I'm sure we've already surpassed it. Poverty is a social thing, but it's also a byproduct of having too many people and not enough resources to go around. I'm sure I'll be corrected on that point, that the wealthy have enough resources for us all or whatever. But living space is a huge resource that often gets overlooked, and is one of 4/5/6 resources that every living thing needs, bar none. Food, water, shelter, space are the simplified 4 resources; some people add in air/gas/oxygen, or the sun's energy, but I think it's safe to take those for granted in this case.
So the big picture of what I'm trying to say, is that I don't want children because Earth already has too many children. If someday I do want a family, I'd rather take care of a child that's already on Earth, instead of being so presumptuous as to bring my own little bundle of joy into being, because I want it to look like me or carry on my genes or whatever. My genes are kind of tattered, friends, just like everyone else's. Ergo, I shouldn't have to have my own baby in order to be happy :)
Uhhhh I can't tell if this is enough of a rant for a post, or if I should keep rambling...
Nope, I think I'm done for now. Stay tuned for potentially more empty noise!! Or someday I might actually post something I've been writing on here, like I originally intended to...
-S-
Last time I posted in this blog was April. OF LAST YEAR. What?? What is that? Granted, I posted an awful lot in my other blog about Ireland, because I was there and stuff, but I haven't given any love to the whacked-out side of my life. I was just trying to make something nice for all the parents of the trip to follow along with. And my friends back home were keeping up that way too, and it helped me keep track of what I had been doing. So that was nice. But I haven't written a post in a while that just puts my brain down on the Interwebs, which, judging from the clutter in my brain, has been a long time coming.
Camp was... crazy. Anyone who has had the Camp Buckskin experience knows it's not easy to describe. I'm lucky enough to have parents who know what I'm saying when I get home at the end of summer and just kind of wave my arms around, desperate to impart what my summer felt like, but not even sure where to begin. I think that might be why I've been leery to hang out with real-life people -- I don't want to try to explain my summer, but I don't want to blow it off or discount it, either. You meet some amazing people at Camp, people who have the same mindset as you and want to help kids the same way you do.
But Camp is less about the other staff and more about the kids. And those kids are some of the most complex, interesting individuals I have ever spent time with. One of the things that makes Camp so amazing and complex is that it makes people REAL. I'm not Sam Bauer when I'm at Camp, because Sam Bauer can be petty and jealous and mean-spirited and sarcastic all the time. Seussical, however, is patient and kind and firm, fair, and friendly at all times. Working with these kids can bring out the true side to a person, the one that's not trying to keep up a defense against the world. Masks don't work at Camp -- it's too much work to keep it up, and the kids can tell when you're not being real.
Also, the kind of conditions that Camp gives us are super helpful in getting rid of our obsession with appearances. When I'm at Camp, I don't have to care if I'm wearing makeup or if my hair is nice. I don't have time for that bullshit. And neither do the campers. Nobody cares what you look like at Camp, but everybody cares how you act. I feel like sometimes in the real world, we have too much time on our hands that way, and people are allowed to judge each other on appearances and ignore actions. At Camp, you're way too busy for that.
Also also, the kids at Camp can't keep up a front either. There aren't any electronics at Camp, no iPods, no video games, no cell phones, no nothing. There aren't any distractions -- it's a pure outdoor environment where you just focus on being you and learning new stuff and making new friends and having fun. The coolest feeling ever is watching kids achieve levels in activities, and the pride they are able to take from their own achievements. THEY did that. THEY got their C-paddle, their Discoverer, their Hiawatha, their Pro-Marksman. For a lot of the kids at Camp, that's the very first time in their lives that they've had someone recognize, "Yeah, you can do something. You got enough quiz questions right in Nature Studies to get to this level. YOU did that. And you should be proud of that." The whole of the dining hall clapping for them is probably a new experience too -- I know it was even new for me when I got up to the mic to do my first announcement this year.
So Camp was awesome. And stressful. It cements for me that I don't want to be a parent -- me and two other girls taking care of 8 ten-to-eleven-year-old boys might be an exaggeration of parenting, but I was their stand-in mother for 30 days. And boy was it hectic. It really showed me the necessity of having other people in your life that you can count on. I'm lucky enough to know that I can depend on most/all of my friends without question or hesitation. But it really showed that to be a parent, it's most helpful to have someone on your team that you can trust 1000% of the time. And that keeps cementing for me that I don't want to be a parent until I find someone who I can totally and utterly rely on. I know I'm only 21, but I don't see myself having or starting a family for a good long while yet, which seems to shock and confuse a lot of people. "But you're so good with kids!" they protest. "Why don't you want a family??"
That's kind of a tricky question. A simple answer is that I'm selfish. Kids take a freakish amount of work, and anyone who tries to tell you differently either has a nanny or is lying. Kids take time, and work, and money. And it's selfish of me, but I don't feel like exerting all of that just to bring a tiny me into a world that already has too many people in it. The thing that exasperates me most about America (among many, MANY things) is the assumption that we are well within our rights to reproduce as much as we fucking (puns) want.
I protest against this assumption. Just because we can reproduce and have 1234234234 kids doesn't mean we should. It's not healthy for society, or for our planet. And this is where the pro-life people get me real bad. Not every child, because they've been conceived, has to live, or has the right to live. There are over 7 billion, BILLION WITH A B, people on this planet. I've always been curious as to what scientists think the maximum capacity would be for Earth, because I'm sure we've already surpassed it. Poverty is a social thing, but it's also a byproduct of having too many people and not enough resources to go around. I'm sure I'll be corrected on that point, that the wealthy have enough resources for us all or whatever. But living space is a huge resource that often gets overlooked, and is one of 4/5/6 resources that every living thing needs, bar none. Food, water, shelter, space are the simplified 4 resources; some people add in air/gas/oxygen, or the sun's energy, but I think it's safe to take those for granted in this case.
So the big picture of what I'm trying to say, is that I don't want children because Earth already has too many children. If someday I do want a family, I'd rather take care of a child that's already on Earth, instead of being so presumptuous as to bring my own little bundle of joy into being, because I want it to look like me or carry on my genes or whatever. My genes are kind of tattered, friends, just like everyone else's. Ergo, I shouldn't have to have my own baby in order to be happy :)
Uhhhh I can't tell if this is enough of a rant for a post, or if I should keep rambling...
Nope, I think I'm done for now. Stay tuned for potentially more empty noise!! Or someday I might actually post something I've been writing on here, like I originally intended to...
-S-
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Making It Up As We Go
Hi again! So I finally have new things to say about my writing -- I've been having gobs of fun doing ScriptFrenzy with the lovely Linda Craig, the bestest writing buddy a girl could ask for. It's only the 12th, and we're already 86 pages in. Out of 100. You know you're jealous.
Anywho, I've been doing my damnedest to contribute to that story, and therefore haven't had much time for free-writing. I did come up with a sweet short story that I'll be posting soon (mostly because it has a very simple plot but I have like 3 ways to start it)... but that's been about it.
So today, I figured I'd write about what I'm reading. I just got done reading the first 72 pages of "Mrs. Dalloway" by Virginia Woolf. And I've already made 2 passages into Facebook status updates (because that's what I do when I come across cool things).
At first, I was sure I was going to supremely dislike this book. The opening is kind of lame, in that Virginia Woolf enjoys dropping the names of characters without mentioning who they are until several pages later. Also, in those several spacer pages, she has rambled on about birds and streets and flowers and such, until you're no longer sure who or what you're reading about, or if you happened to stray into another novel on accident.
One perk of reading this book is that I rented a super old copy from the library so I don't have to read out of my massive Brit Lit anthology. Because I would have a broken hand if I had to read this novel out of a 2500+ page BRICK. But, the copy from the library smells and feels wonderful. If I ever get published, I want all copies to be published automatically aged (like people rip jeans, I would age my books before selling them!!) So much love for the old-book smell.
Like I was saying, I was not a fan of the first 20 or so pages of this book. It kept jumping around between random characters who I didn't know or care about yet, and I kept getting lost (also, my roommates were being hilarious and distracting me with things that were more fun than reading this convoluted mess).
But, as I got further on, particularly when the 3rd person narrator was on Septimus, I fell in love with this book. Once you begin to have a solid understanding of who the characters are and what their motives/relationships are, Woolf's language usage becomes less of an ill-conceived tangle of words and more of a poetic outpouring of emotionality.
I respect Woolf for what she does with her word usage. I'd prefer that she didn't do so in the very beginning of the novel, but once I settled into the rhythm of how her writing voice speaks to me, I was entranced. The next 50 pages flew by as strange images assaulted my reading eyes. She uses the strangest mix of words to convey feelings, kind of like Eliot in "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" (which also took me a while to properly appreciate). Also, the lack of attention span that Clarisse Dalloway seems to have corresponds nicely with Woolf's lack of attention span (intentional).
Septimus' segments are still the ones that get me. Mrs. Dalloway is too flighty for me, and I still don't understand Peter very well, even though I feel for him. Rezia annoys me thus far -- even though she's a product of her culture, I still like to think that I would feel more sorry for Septimus, and less embarrassed by him. But the way Woolf portrays his shell-shock, and the damage that has been done to his psyche, just floored me. My grandpa (now passed on) had PTSD, which was something that I never realized until my dad told me last year -- now I view it with different eyes, particularly after reading and falling in love with "Dulce Et Decorum Est" several times.
War isn't pretty. But the way Woolf piles and stacks words together like painted wooden blocks really hits home for me what it meant to understand war back in the day.
I really hope I don't end up hating this book -- Woolf is so cool!!! All of her descriptive passages (once they were out of the damn park) made me want to go write somewhat melancholy, semi-depressive things. I've been allowed to do so for ScriptFrenzy thus far (my characters are super melodramatic, but it ends up working out pretty nicely), but I want to write something really gritty. Maybe I'll go redraft that short story I was talking about earlier...
I'll keep you all posted as to my furthering adventures with Virginia Woolf -- but now it's very late and I have veins of emotion yet to tap. Goodnight, moon!
Anywho, I've been doing my damnedest to contribute to that story, and therefore haven't had much time for free-writing. I did come up with a sweet short story that I'll be posting soon (mostly because it has a very simple plot but I have like 3 ways to start it)... but that's been about it.
So today, I figured I'd write about what I'm reading. I just got done reading the first 72 pages of "Mrs. Dalloway" by Virginia Woolf. And I've already made 2 passages into Facebook status updates (because that's what I do when I come across cool things).
At first, I was sure I was going to supremely dislike this book. The opening is kind of lame, in that Virginia Woolf enjoys dropping the names of characters without mentioning who they are until several pages later. Also, in those several spacer pages, she has rambled on about birds and streets and flowers and such, until you're no longer sure who or what you're reading about, or if you happened to stray into another novel on accident.
One perk of reading this book is that I rented a super old copy from the library so I don't have to read out of my massive Brit Lit anthology. Because I would have a broken hand if I had to read this novel out of a 2500+ page BRICK. But, the copy from the library smells and feels wonderful. If I ever get published, I want all copies to be published automatically aged (like people rip jeans, I would age my books before selling them!!) So much love for the old-book smell.
Like I was saying, I was not a fan of the first 20 or so pages of this book. It kept jumping around between random characters who I didn't know or care about yet, and I kept getting lost (also, my roommates were being hilarious and distracting me with things that were more fun than reading this convoluted mess).
But, as I got further on, particularly when the 3rd person narrator was on Septimus, I fell in love with this book. Once you begin to have a solid understanding of who the characters are and what their motives/relationships are, Woolf's language usage becomes less of an ill-conceived tangle of words and more of a poetic outpouring of emotionality.
I respect Woolf for what she does with her word usage. I'd prefer that she didn't do so in the very beginning of the novel, but once I settled into the rhythm of how her writing voice speaks to me, I was entranced. The next 50 pages flew by as strange images assaulted my reading eyes. She uses the strangest mix of words to convey feelings, kind of like Eliot in "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" (which also took me a while to properly appreciate). Also, the lack of attention span that Clarisse Dalloway seems to have corresponds nicely with Woolf's lack of attention span (intentional).
Septimus' segments are still the ones that get me. Mrs. Dalloway is too flighty for me, and I still don't understand Peter very well, even though I feel for him. Rezia annoys me thus far -- even though she's a product of her culture, I still like to think that I would feel more sorry for Septimus, and less embarrassed by him. But the way Woolf portrays his shell-shock, and the damage that has been done to his psyche, just floored me. My grandpa (now passed on) had PTSD, which was something that I never realized until my dad told me last year -- now I view it with different eyes, particularly after reading and falling in love with "Dulce Et Decorum Est" several times.
War isn't pretty. But the way Woolf piles and stacks words together like painted wooden blocks really hits home for me what it meant to understand war back in the day.
I really hope I don't end up hating this book -- Woolf is so cool!!! All of her descriptive passages (once they were out of the damn park) made me want to go write somewhat melancholy, semi-depressive things. I've been allowed to do so for ScriptFrenzy thus far (my characters are super melodramatic, but it ends up working out pretty nicely), but I want to write something really gritty. Maybe I'll go redraft that short story I was talking about earlier...
I'll keep you all posted as to my furthering adventures with Virginia Woolf -- but now it's very late and I have veins of emotion yet to tap. Goodnight, moon!
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| C'mon, Virginia Woolf, don't let me down!! |
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