Statistics and Anomolies

I don't think I can fail to be baffled when I look at my Blogger stats. 
My brain: "THERE'S SOMEONE FOLLOWING ME IN RUSSIA?!!?!?!"
(Hi, if you're reading this, by the way...) 
Me: I guess the Interwebs is a way bigger place than I ever thought... *feels very small and insignificant some more*

Okay, done with the feels. I want to talk about how bad of a student I have been so far this school year. Granted, I don't have a hella lots of homework so far, but I have a decent amount, and compared to how I usually handle my homework, I've been doing an abysmal job thus far.

But Sam! It's only the 17th of September, this is the beginning of YOUR SECOND FULL WEEK OF SCHOOL, why are you spazzing out about this? 

Because I can.

I think Ireland (see the other blog that has WAY CRAZY LOTS OF PAGE VIEWS) changed the perfectionist in me. Scratch that, I think Ireland fed the perfectionist in me until it wasn't a teeny tiny monster anymore, it was a raging lunatic. But, when I was in Ireland, it was okay to be a perfectionist and be overly prepared for things because I had the time and the inclination to do so.

Minnesota life, however, is not nearly as forgiving. It's much more interesting to hang out with my friends and watch movies and do puzzles and go out for drinks instead of doing homework. And even when I do homework now, it's not a solitary thing, and I don't get as much done as I would in Ireland. 

And I guess I find that upsetting, now that I've taken the time to figure out what it was that was bothering me so much. I'm stressing myself out because I'm having too much fun.

Arguments against: 1) THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH FUN *rocks out*. 

Rebuttal: 1) um yes there is. If I feel like I'm getting an ulcer when I think about my homework, I'm having too much fun.

Arguments against: 2) you're actually not as far behind as you think you are.

Rebuttal: 2) I guess that's valid. But, feel free to tell that to my nervous system -- so far, it hasn't believed me either.

Arguments against: 3) stop being crazy.

Rebuttal: 3) oh if only.

Yes, I'm already to the point of arguing with myself. It's going to be a good year, friends.

In related news, I wish I were watching 'Fringe' instead of sitting in the very cold library, waiting for a phone call. The phone call part is going to be awesome, but the waiting part means I'm reasoning out why I shouldn't start my homework yet. And that's winding me up even more.

But 'Fringe'.

If you would, please direct your eyes to the man standing in the back of the picture. PETER. His character (and Walter's insanity, and how generally cool the show is, and how much better Olivia is in Season 2 now that she's not so static) is what makes the show so addictive and awesome. I think he's awesome :3

In other news, I'm making myself take the time to write again, so I'm not totally out of shape come November. You'll be hearing a lot of complaining on this blog come November, methinks. I'm going to try to win again, and I think I can do it, now that I did it last year... but I'm also super busy stressing myself out about crazy things, so we'll see how it goes.

Okay, almost phone call time. This is my cue to stop rambling...

-S
 

EMPTY NOISE!!!

It's kind of early and I'm not quite cognizant, so I'm going to make a nonsense post. It's been too long, anyway. 

Last time I posted in this blog was April. OF LAST YEAR. What?? What is that? Granted, I posted an awful lot in my other blog about Ireland, because I was there and stuff, but I haven't given any love to the whacked-out side of my life. I was just trying to make something nice for all the parents of the trip to follow along with. And my friends back home were keeping up that way too, and it helped me keep track of what I had been doing. So that was nice. But I haven't written a post in a while that just puts my brain down on the Interwebs, which, judging from the clutter in my brain, has been a long time coming.

Camp was... crazy. Anyone who has had the Camp Buckskin experience knows it's not easy to describe. I'm lucky enough to have parents who know what I'm saying when I get home at the end of summer and just kind of wave my arms around, desperate to impart what my summer felt like, but not even sure where to begin. I think that might be why I've been leery to hang out with real-life people -- I don't want to try to explain my summer, but I don't want to blow it off or discount it, either. You meet some amazing people at Camp, people who have the same mindset as you and want to help kids the same way you do. 
But Camp is less about the other staff and more about the kids. And those kids are some of the most complex, interesting individuals I have ever spent time with. One of the things that makes Camp so amazing and complex is that it makes people REAL. I'm not Sam Bauer when I'm at Camp, because Sam Bauer can be petty and jealous and mean-spirited and sarcastic all the time. Seussical, however, is patient and kind and firm, fair, and friendly at all times. Working with these kids can bring out the true side to a person, the one that's not trying to keep up a defense against the world. Masks don't work at Camp -- it's too much work to keep it up, and the kids can tell when you're not being real. 
Also, the kind of conditions that Camp gives us are super helpful in getting rid of our obsession with appearances. When I'm at Camp, I don't have to care if I'm wearing makeup or if my hair is nice. I don't have time for that bullshit. And neither do the campers. Nobody cares what you look like at Camp, but everybody cares how you act. I feel like sometimes in the real world, we have too much time on our hands that way, and people are allowed to judge each other on appearances and ignore actions. At Camp, you're way too busy for that.
Also also, the kids at Camp can't keep up a front either. There aren't any electronics at Camp, no iPods, no video games, no cell phones, no nothing. There aren't any distractions -- it's a pure outdoor environment where you just focus on being you and learning new stuff and making new friends and having fun. The coolest feeling ever is watching kids achieve levels in activities, and the pride they are able to take from their own achievements. THEY did that. THEY got their C-paddle, their Discoverer, their Hiawatha, their Pro-Marksman. For a lot of the kids at Camp, that's the very first time in their lives that they've had someone recognize, "Yeah, you can do something. You got enough quiz questions right in Nature Studies to get to this level. YOU did that. And you should be proud of that." The whole of the dining hall clapping for them is probably a new experience too -- I know it was even new for me when I got up to the mic to do my first announcement this year. 

So Camp was awesome. And stressful. It cements for me that I don't want to be a parent -- me and two other girls taking care of 8 ten-to-eleven-year-old boys might be an exaggeration of parenting, but I was their stand-in mother for 30 days. And boy was it hectic. It really showed me the necessity of having other people in your life that you can count on. I'm lucky enough to know that I can depend on most/all of my friends without question or hesitation. But it really showed that to be a parent, it's most helpful to have someone on your team that you can trust 1000% of the time. And that keeps cementing for me that I don't want to be a parent until I find someone who I can totally and utterly rely on. I know I'm only 21, but I don't see myself having or starting a family for a good long while yet, which seems to shock and confuse a lot of people. "But you're so good with kids!" they protest. "Why don't you want a family??" 
That's kind of a tricky question. A simple answer is that I'm selfish. Kids take a freakish amount of work, and anyone who tries to tell you differently either has a nanny or is lying. Kids take time, and work, and money. And it's selfish of me, but I don't feel like exerting all of that just to bring a tiny me into a world that already has too many people in it. The thing that exasperates me most about America (among many, MANY things) is the assumption that we are well within our rights to reproduce as much as we fucking (puns) want. 
I protest against this assumption. Just because we can reproduce and have 1234234234 kids doesn't mean we should. It's not healthy for society, or for our planet. And this is where the pro-life people get me real bad. Not every child, because they've been conceived, has to live, or has the right to live. There are over 7 billion, BILLION WITH A B, people on this planet. I've always been curious as to what scientists think the maximum capacity would be for Earth, because I'm sure we've already surpassed it. Poverty is a social thing, but it's also a byproduct of having too many people and not enough resources to go around. I'm sure I'll be corrected on that point, that the wealthy have enough resources for us all or whatever. But living space is a huge resource that often gets overlooked, and is one of 4/5/6 resources that every living thing needs, bar none. Food, water, shelter, space are the simplified 4 resources; some people add in air/gas/oxygen, or the sun's energy, but I think it's safe to take those for granted in this case. 
So the big picture of what I'm trying to say, is that I don't want children because Earth already has too many children. If someday I do want a family, I'd rather take care of a child that's already on Earth, instead of being so presumptuous as to bring my own little bundle of joy into being, because I want it to look like me or carry on my genes or whatever. My genes are kind of tattered, friends, just like everyone else's. Ergo, I shouldn't have to have my own baby in order to be happy :)

Uhhhh I can't tell if this is enough of a rant for a post, or if I should keep rambling...

Nope, I think I'm done for now. Stay tuned for potentially more empty noise!! Or someday I might actually post something I've been writing on here, like I originally intended to...

-S-